I started keeping a journal when I was in 9th grade. A youth counselor at our church gave me and some other girls journals and encouraged us to write in them. Mine had a kitten on them. I hated cats.
Summer of 2012 my husband and I moved from North Carolina to Chicago for him to work on his PhD. We pared down so many things, divided them into piles of “give away this” “store that at your parents house” “throw away” etc. We also had a “burn” pile…which at first started out as a joke but then my friend offered an actual “going away” bonfire if we actually wanted to burn anything.
By then I had a dozen or so volumes of journals…all telling the same story. I would begin writing in the journal as an obligatory religious discipline, and one or two entries would be about wanting to “get back on track” with my relationship with God (because, *spoiler alert* I had missed a month or so of journaling and, of course, that meant my relationship with God was “off track”). The next day or so would be about a(nother) cute boy, and about how I wanted to lose weight. Perhaps another day or so of God-talk or of a(nother) cute boy or weight loss and then….silence.
If you have followed this blog or my tweets, you’ll note a trend. Post, post, post……….silence. For like, months on end.
Why is that? I could blame the iphone, my busy life, or even perhaps my disdain for the power technology has over our lives, but those excuses wouldn’t account for my irregular journaling.
The main difference is, when I look back at my tweets, I actually like what I have to say. Whereas, my journals…would just lead me to tears and self-hatred. Which is why I took my friend up on the bonfire offer and burned the journals. My mom freaked out on me, but I can’t tell you how liberating it was to see it all turn to ash.
Ha! It’s Ash Wednesday.
I started a twitter account to be a spiritual discipline, like, a breath-prayer thing. It turned into a liberating outlet for me to express my progressiveness at a time when I worked in a place where I had to be sneaky about my beliefs because of my fear of losing my job. For whatever reason I felt “safer” on twitter than on facebook, to follow certain people/things and to say things I really couldn’t say on facebook.
I recently saw this post of this woman who took this 100 day challenge. Apparently it’s a trend…to do something for 100 days and see how it changes/transforms you.
So, even though it seems I’ve made the promise/pledge a million times, to be more regular in my posting, I think I’m going to try this 100 day challenge thing. Because I have things to say.
Here’s to setting irregularity on fire, in hopes that the ashes will be liberating.